I Had Enough This Morning

Yep, that’s a plant and it’s torn up all over the floor and I asked the children to do it on purpose.  
Why?
Well, I just had enough today.  Enough of the arguing, fighting, tattle tailing, selfishness, complaining, ingratitude, disobedience, rudeness, and yelling.
I have been praying and seeking the LORD everyday as I have just felt worn out by it all.  I have lost my “joy” and have really been overwhelmed with the daily battles.  I have felt that these negative attitudes and action are controlling my days.   It seems that I spend pretty much all of my time disciplining bad behaviors and there is so little enjoying each other happening.


This morning it all stared before I could even get dressed - tattle tailing, arguing, fighting, the works.  And I had it.  I sat them all down (I did get dressed first) and began to talk to them about the things that they have been doing that have added to the daily stress of our days.  I firmly believe that a family must work together to enjoy each other and to have a healthy atmosphere in the home.  And right now, it feels like Steve and I do most of the work.  And I feel like the “life” is being sucked out of me.


Then I had an idea about the plant.  I brought it in from outside (it was “mostly” dead anyway), and I looked at one of them and said “Go tear a leave off.”  She laughingly did, and I told her and the rest of them that when they are rude to others they are making our home unhealthy like tearing that leaf off does to the plant.  I called another one to do the same and then told them that when they fight and yell they are “killing” the joy in our home. I called Corbin to go pull a branch off, and bless his little heart, he said “I don’t want to tear up your beautiful things.”  He wouldn’t do it.  (I was totally smiling on the inside).  I asked Aiden and Keshawn to tear off some leafs and they really got into it and began to tear up the whole plant.  I just watched them and let them do it.  The older ones were beginning to see where this was going, but the smaller ones were clueless.  
I then talked to them about the attitudes and actions that are “killing” the joy and peace in our home much as tearing a plant apart will kill it.  The little ones started to get the picture too now.  I talked to them about the things that bring life into our home and family.  We talked some more about the things that make the plant healthy or the things that kill it and compared it to our family and home life. 

Then I asked them to come to me and tell me one thing they were sorry for.  I pulled out my prayer journal and wrote their name and the thing that they apologized for in it and told them that I would be praying for them.  They loved that I was writing their names in my book.  Then they told me one thing that they were grateful for.  They all did really great with this.


Now, none of this was planned.  As I said, I was fed up with the way our home has been “feeling” each day.  I really felt that the LORD led me to bring in the plant for teaching, to ask them to apologize to me and to offer something that they are grateful for.  


It seemed to have given them a good “word picture” to remember.  Of course, I know that they are just children and will struggle with these things, but I pray that I can began to teach them to deal with their sins in a healthy and Biblical way, instead of me always just “reacting” to them all the time.  
Ahhh, mothering - truly there is no harder job that I have ever tried to do.  

Help Me LORD...

...to parent these little people, to love them and to teach them Your ways.  

Guide me when I’m not sure what to do or say.  Give me patience and help me to remember that they are still little and in need of nurturing and training.  

Forgive me when I become angry with their foolishness and impatient with their childishness.  














There are some things with my new little son that I am truly unsure of what to do, how to help, teach and train him.  




















Lord, I don’t like not knowing what to do.  I’m sure You are laughing a bit at that since You did make me and know that I like “a plan”.  




I will keep seeking You with my whole heart because I love you, LORD, and I love them.”

 And today, help me to see them with eyes of love, appreciation, and to give them the grace that You have shown me.

Amen

First Time Ever...

I put in hair extensions for Joeliana.  She LOVES THEM.  It took a few days, but she should be good to go for a month or so.  I have never done this before, but her hair is SO prone to tangles that I decided to give this a try as a protective style.  
Because I know that you will ask, here is where I learned to do this.

She Has Gone

My Kalyn Meshell left today with my sister (in-love), Karla.  She will be gone for almost a month.  She will be in Texas with my family for a few days before she leaves on her mission trip to Guatemala. 
I am so very proud of her.  Please pray with us for safety and the work that she will be doing.  She was really excited, as always, to go on this mission trip.  
We will miss her!
And don't tell anyone (shhhhhhhh), but I might have cried as she drove away.

We Loved Us Some...

 

 ...fun today with my sister (in-love), Karla;

 We also loved some daddy time,

 and some eating;

 

and some learning;

 

 

 and hiking;

 

 baby time;

and no time would be complete without lots of silliness;

 

 smiles,

 and hugs and love and kisses.

 Today we loved some together time and remembered the ones who have fought and died in our military.  

We are so grateful for their service to our country.

So, What Am I Going To Do?

It's a good question.  
What am I going to do about bad attitudes?
Selfishness?
Complaining
Fussiness?
Anger and impatience?
Here, I need to show you a picture....

 NO, this isn't the one, but isn't he a riot?

 O.K., this is the one.
When Steve and I were at Glen Eyrie, one of the most undeniably gorgeous sights you will see are the gardens there.  Truly, they are spectacular.  The grass is so unbelievably green and lush, the flowers are so varied and beautiful, the trees are full, offering shade and color.  Everything about their gardens say, "Come rest and enjoy my beauty.  Breath in the fragrance of my flowers, sit and let your souls feast on my colors and refresh yourself."  I would just sit and look and breathe in the beauty in that garden.  'Surely the Garden of Eden must have been like this, but more so.", I thought.

 I commented to Steve how gorgeous it all was, and he laughed and talked about the hours that the gardeners worked each day to make it all so perfect and pretty.  And those gardeners need certain tools to do their work well.  

 It certainly was worth the work though, and I was grateful for it as I sat there and enjoyed the beautiful garden around me.


So, how do bad attitudes fit into here?  Well, first of all, I am talking about MY bad attitudes.  Yep, way to often I am selfish and complain, I feel angry and impatient, I speak to quickly and say things I regret.  I let the "day - ness of things" get to me and make excuses for myself.  I doubt that I am going to help my children with their bad attitudes when I am not correcting my own.  
I was reading the Bible verse "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." (2 Tim. 3:16)
What does "equip" mean?  
"Supply with the necessary items for a particular purpose."
What about "competent"?
"Having the necessary ability, knowledge, or skill to do something successfully.  Efficient and capable."
I want to be competent and equipped each day when I wake up and do the good work that the LORD has for me that day.  But I must pick up the right tools for the job.  Like the above gardener who makes Glen Eyrie so beautiful, I must consider the work that I need to do and "pick out" the tools that I will need to do that job.  
So, what am I going to do about my own bad attitudes?  
They certainly are not good "tools" to use in my daily work.  
I must look into the LORD's Scriptures and let them teach me, offer reproof and correction where needed, and let His Words train me in righteousness, knowing that His desire is to equip me for every good work.  
Now, that all sounds good, and it is, because it's God's Words that we are talking about,
but,
what does that look like? 
I felt "stressed" about some things this week and starting getting grouchy and short tempered.  Here's a mathematical equation to help you get the picture;
Problems created feelings of worry plus thoughts of poor me plus words of complaining equaled depression and anger.  
Pretty simple to see I hope.  And since these were the tools I went to "work" with each day, you can guess that my little "garden of children" have not been to perky.  Wrong tools gets bad results.
Time to look into Scripture for some help.  
I pray 1st, "LORD teach me from Your Word, correct me and train me for the good work that You have for me to do.  I confess my sins of fear, worry, frustration and complaining.  Cleanse me from unrighteousness and help me to live a life that brings glory to you." 

 "Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the LORD.  See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains.  You also, be patient."  James 5:7  
I expect to much and am often looking for "fruit" in my children (and others) without giving it time to grow.  Being patient is a tool that I can pick up and use better today.

For several of my children and their physical, mental and emotional health I read the beautiful words of Jesus and feel comforted - "Do not fear; only believe, and she will be well."  Luke 8: 48.  Pick up the tool of belief and receive the comfort that HE sends. 

Several times the last few days, I have commented that I just didn't know what to do about such and such problems.  These things have become a burden.  The LORD reminded me in 2 Chronicles 20 that His people in this book also faced those same feelings.  Their exact words were "We do not know what to do,..."
but here is the next part that I need to remember;
"...but our eyes are on you." (2 Chron. 20:12)
"Lord, I do not know what to do, but my eyes are on You.  And like your people of ages past, I will set my face to seek help from You, LORD and I believe that you will send that help."  Amen
 
"Satan strikes either at the rood of faith or at the root of diligence." - John Livingstone

My we each encourage others to look to His Word to find the answers that we seek. 
Happy Gardening sweet friends.

Good Questions!

A sweet blog friend has asked some good questions about older child adoptions, and I thought that I would answer her questions here, because others may be wondering some of the same things.  
First up, I MUST STATE, every child and every adoption is different!  Each child will react differently to the new changes.   So please keep in mind that this is how our new children acted/or are acting now.
We used ASIA and loved working with them!!!
Noelani was 11 years old when she came home, and Clive was 8 years old.  
How has the transition been?  Hmmm, that's a little harder to answer.  For those of you who know about the trip to pick them up in China, I wasn't sure that we were going to make it.  Looking back and now that I know the children a little bit better, I can see that they were scared out of their minds, and that really brought out the bad and the fight in them.  Noelani is settling down really well now, loves having a family, is a very helpful little girl and generally pretty easy going.  It took some time as she tested out our rules, but she has transitioned really well.  I am very proud of how far she has come in such a short time. I thought, based off of how hard she fought us in China, that she would have a harder time than she is.  She did cry and miss China at first, but now she is very happy to be here with her new family. 
I thought that Clive would do better than he is, so you just never know.  I am a little confused by him.  As I stated earlier this week, there seems to have been some abuse.  His behavior isn't coming along quite as well as we had hoped.  He still tests us a lot, more me than Steve.  He seems "afraid" of men and behaves "better" with them.  He throws colossal fits.  He does steal things, and hordes.  These are things that we read about and are certainly not surprised by.  It's the "emotional" aspect of it all that starts to wear on us all.  
There are of course, institute behaviors that take time to retrain.  We know it takes time as the children learn the right way to act in a family.  They are learning that they do not have to fight to protect themselves;  learn how a mommy and daddy are different than the workers in the orphanage; learn to be a part of a family; learn to respect others and their property, etc..
What has been the biggest struggles?  As I said earlier, Clive is a confusion to me.  I'm not completely sure what I am dealing with.  Immaturity?  Definitely.  Emotional wounds?  For sure.  He's only 8 and there is so much I'm sure he still doesn't "get".  Also, for both of them, and us, it has been hard not speaking the same language.  We get along, and teaching them sign language has been one of the greatest tools.  Still, I know we all get frustrated with the limited understanding.  We use google translate when we have to, but, it's hard to speak heart to heart that way.  They have learned a way of living called survival, what ever that looked like.  Now they are trying to learn that they are safe in a family, that they are loved always, that even when they do wrong they will not be rejected...it will take time and we pray for them and for their healing.
Ha, here is a great example...as I type this Steve asked Noelani to do something that she didn't want to do.  She started "talking" in Chinese.  Steve said back to her "Noelani, are you complaining?  She said no and he said, "I may not understand Chinese, but that sure sounds like grumbling.  She said "Sorry daddy."
I know that some of you may still have questions.  Feel free to ask away.  I will answer what ever I can.  Older child adoptions does need one thing above all others!  Tons of support, understanding, and as much before hand information as possible.  I would never want to "scare" anyone from adopting an older child, but I will state that more support, honest acceptance, and being ready for this different ministry is very important.  
And the children are worth it all!