A Year Of Belonging

Doesn’t this picture just break your heart?  It would mine, 

if there wasn’t more to the story.

The day we left China, I’m sure that these children were scared to death, but she put on her brave face and promised the interpreters that she would not run away from us in the train station.

I had my emergency note written in Chinese to explain that I was her new mother and that I was adopting her, not kidnapping her.

My newest son was putting on his brave face too - with enough energy to fight me the next two days of travel. 

We made it home, exhausted physically and emotionally.  And I knew that now the real healing would began for my new children.  The healing that can only happen in a family where you belong.  We showed them the Texas coast, Christmas, snow, and their first Christmas gifts.  

 They met their new family - a daddy, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and Dandy and Gommy.

 They did the best they could to cope - she looked out any window she could find and cried.  He withdrew, or was naughty.  

We all held them and tried to help them as much as we could.

 But, I knew in my heart that the only answer for their grief was time, 

and lots and lots of understanding, sympathy, and love.

 A year later, it is beginning to show;  

The healing...

 ...the feelings of belonging and safety.  

 In those little faces of my newest son and daughter, I am seeing happiness, 

 silliness,

 laughter,

 and beauty where there was fear, pain and sadness. 

 They have learned what being loved is, what belonging looks like.

  And I think that they like it.

I am so thankful to the LORD that I was chosen to be their mother -

to share their journey,

to teach them the joys of a family,

and to see them in time embrace that;

I am so thankful to be apart of their story,

and to know that it has only just begun.

His First

 We had just missed this special day last year.

 The birthday when you turned eight.  

 This year though, we celebrated this day with you!  

 Yes, you turned nine this year,

 and we all loved singing happy birthday to you,

 and being silly, 

 and watching you open your gifts...

But, I am celebrating your FIRST birthday home.  The first year you have a family to sing the birthday song
 to you; the first year that your mommy got to make a cake for you; the first time that we got to see you laugh and blow out your candles; ...
this is the first year for me -
your mommy,
to celebrate the little boy who was born 9 years ago, in another country to another woman;
and to remember with thankfulness the circumstance orchestrated by The Almighty that brought my son to me.

Happy First Birthday Home Clive Charles.  I am so glad that the LORD gave you to me,
I love you,
mommy

She’s So Darn Cute!

When she is helping to put up left overs in the kitchen and can not find a lid for a container, she will say “I can’t find the hat.  Please help me.”

Since she came home, she has felt more comfortable and “safe” sleeping on the floor in our room in a sleeping bag.  That way her new mommy and daddy are always there for her.  She has learned that her mommy likes to sleep in a “cold” room.  I love to open several of our windows at night and the Colorado nights get pretty chilly.  Now, she keeps a small blanket  (that I gave her in China as a gift, and at first she totally rejected), and a fleece jacket in her sleeping bag.  Each night she “suits up” for bed time, putting on her jacket and wrapping in her pink blanket before cuddling down in her sleeping bag. 

She still puts her back to us when we try to hug her, yet she will sneak up behind us and hug our backs to get the love that her heart really desires.

She will run and hide behind our arms when something scares her.

When I took her to the orthodontist to put on the first of many braces to correct the problems of cleft lip/cleflt palette, I had to leave for just a second.  I told her, while the dr. was working on her teeth, that I was just going to the next room and would be back in just a second.  She seemed O.K. with that, till I let go of her hand and began to walk out of the room, and then she lost it.  She almost upset the dr, nurse and all of their equipment trying to turn to call for me.  It broke my heart as I ran back to her, yet, I also rejoiced...she is beginning to trust me. 

We have our hard times...
times of not being able to communicate and understand each other.  Times when I am selfishly afraid of another rejection.  Times when she comes undone, and I don’t know what to do to help the situation.   Times when I feel her rejection and fear, and I am trying to be the “adult” and help us both, but I don’t know what to do....

And then I remember what a brave little girl walked out of one room in China, crying and afraid, into an new room and a new world.  That little girl met a stranger called “mother” and she was forced by a situation to trust me.  She was so scared and her fear almost did us both in.  But the LORD had a plan.  We have walked a path we didn’t even know...
a journey to a relationship between a women in America and a little girl in China. 
We are still on the journey.  Oh, how I wish that she would let me hold her and love on her some times.  Yet, I must respect that she cannot give that right now.  So, I love her in ways that she can except; a little playful tickle here, and small hug there, and verbal affirmations, ever if she rejects them.  She will continue to hear from me that I think she is beautiful, adorable, cute and that I am so glad that the LORD gave her to me.  She WILL one day believe these truths.   She hates for us to take pictures of her and so I don’t have many of her,  Even then, I try to tell her that we think she is beautiful and I pray that one day she will know that in her heart.   
And until then, it helps me to remember...

she is so, truly, darn cute, and I am so glad that the LORD chose me to be her mother.
How I pray that one day, she knows this as well.

I Had A Dream...

O.K., may be not happy, but puzzle pieces to the picture of raising my little N and C fell into place.  
I dreamed that I was being hurt (sorry, no details)...
and I WAS hurt, but I also had someone to go to for help, and in my dream I went there for help.
Then I woke up, and as is normal for me, I tried to go back to sleep to “change” the bad dream.  
Around 4:30, I woke up, not remembering my dream, but my heart was heavy about an issue with N.  She “hurts” our dog and insects at times ... nothing serious, but still, it has upset us.  At first I thought she just needs to learn to be kind and soft.  However, I think there is more.  Backing up a touch, she described in signs and what little English she understands how children often hurt each other in the orphanage - kicking, hitting, etc..
I read a little in some of my “adoption books”, prayed, and then went back to sleep.  
I forgot about the dream, and the feelings from the night when I got up an hour later.  I went on with my day.
At nap time, I was laying there waiting for the baby to go to sleep so that I could get up and do some things, and in my resting, but not asleep place I felt that the LORD started to speak to me and give me a better picture of what my Noelani and Clive have come through.  They’re actions (bad) will give me clues to what they have experienced.  And for just a second the LORD showed me what it felt like for my precious children to be hurt and have NO ONE in the present that they could go to for help.  I cried, and I knew that I had never had to walk that road of aloneness.  Things have been hard, but I was never completely abandoned or alone as they were.  
I have never been kicked or hit and had NO ONE to help me or protect me.  
I am trying desperately to understand, not for the sake of knowledge or emotionalism, but with the prayer for my children to be healed, and for the wisdom to help them.
Last night I had a dream,
and today I have cried.

My Thoughts On Her

We saw a picture of a precious little girl in China who had a heart breaking story.  She had grown up in an orphanage for 11 years with a special need that made talking difficult for her - cleft lip/cleft palette.  She had seen other friends leave to finally go “home” to a family.  Her turn came, but then things happened and she went back to the orphanage instead home to a family.  I was so sad for this little girl and what she had gone through in her short life.  We advocated for her and prayed for her to find her family.  In a surprising twist to her story, God had chosen her family and soon I was on my way to China to bring home our new son AND her.  God gave us the name Noelani for for our new daughter.  We now call her Noelani Rose, because she wanted a middle name like everyone else in the family.  

How is she doing now, after 8 months with her new family?  My thoughts flow from “great” to “hard” all at the same time.  I read a blog written by a young lady who lives and works with orphans in China.  She wrote about how the little motherless and fatherless children that she serves and cares for have learned very well “how” to be orphans.  They have learned how to steal, lie, get attention, hide their fears, avoid trouble or fight if needed.  They have learned to rely on themselves, and expect nothing.  Decisions are made for them, and so in an effort to gain “felt safety” they learn to control what they can.  Bad behavior covers up fears and weaknesses.  And even though, in many instances, wonderful people who work in the orphanages have daily sought to care for these little ones, some where in the back of the child’s mind, that boy or girl still knows that ultimately they are alone and belong to no one. 

I have seen many of these things in Noelani (and Clive in different ways).  She IS good at being a orphan.  Ofter all, it is all she has ever known.  Only now, she is suppose to be a part of a family.  I have given them time to adjust and learn, and they have - some.  And yet I also see the struggle she probably doesn’t even notice ... the one in her heart.  She NEEDS to be loved and belong but pulls away.  She NEEDS to laugh and play like a little child, but falls back into her old patterns of being a “little adult” like she was in the orphanage.  She NEEDS to trust, but puts up walls.  She NEEDS to belong, but isn’t sure what that looks like.  She NEEDS to talk, but she’s trying to learn a new language and she gets tired and goes off alone to avoid the work of it all. 

She really does struggle to say words.  She is learning English very well, but she has “sloppy” habits of speech (probably picked up very early in life as she learned to work with her cleft lip/cleft palette).  She is hard to understand and it takes work for both parties.  

As I watch my little Noelani struggle to learn the many things that she is trying to learn, I hurt for her.  I can’t even imagine ... yet, I know that this is her story and God’s adventure for her.  Her story is how she is becoming a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, and a niece; an American and ultimately God’s little lamb who is not longer lost and alone.  

This last week she used her learned behavior of deception, lying and aloneness to ring up a nasty little phone bill of texts.  Texts sent to anyone she could find in my phone.  It has been going on for quite some time.  I had been giving her “freedom” to play alone in the school room at certain times of the day, with me just in the next room.  She also got up early knowing that Steve was in the basement exercising, and she must have snuck in some late nights as well.  We have also caught her at other times sneaking on the computer or the iPad.  A few months ago she and Clive were in trouble.  She (the older one - that’s how they operate in an orphanage), had Clive, the younger one, steal candy from the pantry.  We found scraps of trash buried in the sand and thrown in the window well.  She laid all the blame on Clive, who was to afraid to tell us that he had an accomplice.  Because the little ones learn to be afraid of the older one in the orphanage.  Truth finally came out.

However, this latest one really got us to thinking that we needed to  “shrink” her world if we were really going to help her learn to be in a family.  

So instead of giving her privileges that she is not ready for, we are working more to keep her close, teach her to ask, to listen, to play WITH us and her brothers and sisters; to BE with us.  Not as punishment, but much like I would with a newborn.  I would never leave a newborn alone, or not watch my one year old.  I would also be within eye sight of my two year old ready to correct and train.  

I guess that I thought she would mostly “learn” to be in a family by being around us, which is what Clive seems to be doing to a larger degree.  But it seems that we are going to have to “force” her to work at it a little bit more.  I understand really.  It’s easier to go off by herself and not try, but it’s not good.  My heart breaks when she “goes” off by herself.  Dandy noticed it when we were on vacation at the lake.  And it broke his heart.  She would try to talk to him, but he just couldn’t understand her, so she would finally just go stand outside alone.  We would bring her in with us, but she had already chosen to withdraw.  It was easier that way. Poor baby.  I pray that the LORD shows us how to parent her right now.  She really is an amazing little person - sweet, helpful, joyful, happy, silly, tender and loving.  

These river pictures taken last month when we went camping tell a story ... are you seeing it?  Go back up four pictures.  See her sitting in the background by herself.  She kept saying that she would hold the dogs, and I would ask her to come play in the river with us.  She kept refusing.  I finally convinced her to at least put her feet in.  I wanted her to experience being a child, a free and protected child.  She did, reluctantly.  And then her brothers began to play with her and show her how to “sit” in the river.  

Do you see it?  Pure childhood joy and laughter.  

Learning to be with a family, to laugh, to play, to trust and to speak, knowing that we care about what she has to say.  And even if it is hard for us to understand her, and it is hard for her to say the words, she does have a voice, and she has a story to tell.

I read the below verse this morning, and I think how I didn’t know “how” to be in Gods family at first, but Christ welcomed me anyway.  And we now will continue to welcome this little daughter into our family, and pray ...

pray for her to find her way,

and thank the LORD that He showed us the way, and will now show her.  

FOR HIS GLORY.

“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Romans. 15:7

“God of endurance and encouragement, I pray that you would grant us as a family to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together we may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ”  Romans 15”5-6

Our Day In Court

Kalyn captured some cute pictures of our day in court to finalize Noelani and Clive’s adoptions.  They are now legally Hassoldt’s.  Praising the LORD all these months later.  And remembering when I first fell in love with a darling little boy on a waiting list, and then my heart was captured by a precious little girl who was waiting. 

Who knew the journey the LORD had for us.  

Their Grief Hurts

I struggle a little about how to share this tonight.  My newest children, Noelani and Clive, have had their moments of grief and missing their old home in China.  And goodness, I completely understand that!!!  A few nights ago Noelani began to cry at bed time and she said something about China.  This isn’t normal for Noelani anymore.  She is so happy and content to have a family and to be living in America.  However, she had been reprimanded by daddy for not settling down for bedtime and I knew she was feeling sad about that.  So anyway, when she began to say that she missed China, I sat beside her, and just began to give her “permission” to miss her first home.  I told her that I imagined that she missed her teachers, nannies, friends; the old familiar foods, smells, sights, and sounds.  She cried and I tried to comfort her.  Then I asked her if I could pray for her.  She wanted me to, so I did.  Then a precious thing happened for my little daughter who is still struggling to give or receive hugs....she hugged my after I prayed, and kissed me on the cheek.  Then she said “Thank you Mommy.  I love you.”
HOWEVER, this grieving process is a whole different thing for Clive.  And his grief hurts...
it hurts him for sure;
but it also hurts me!  And that is my struggle.  
Do I share how I hurt WHILE he hurts?  
So much is written about the grief that children go through when they are adopted into a new family.  I have spent years studying and training under some of the best about this very topic.  And I am completely empathetic about the painful precess that these tender children have to walk through.  
But tonight, it became personal for me.  
We went camping this weekend, and Clive was “apart” of everything, but not really “involved”.  Yesterday he told Noelani that he wanted to go home.  She told us and we told him that we were going home tomorrow.  He was all excited and that was that.  This morning as we were packing up the camp site to come home, he was so happy that we were going home.  I thought, O.K., he just needs the security of “home” before he is ready for the greater “out doors”.   WRONG
As we drove into our drive way, Clive began to cry and wail.  I recognized this sound. It wasn’t fussing or normal crying...it was the wailing, crying sounds of a broken heart,  I knew as soon as I heard it coming from Clive’s side of the van what was wrong.   This wasn’t the home that he wanted to come home to.  He thought he was going “home” to China.
In that moment, my heart was breaking for him.  But here’s the part I don’t feel that I’m suppose to share with “the world”... my heart was breaking because I want to be his mother, but he isn’t ready for that.  I tried to hold him and comfort him, but he wanted nothing to do with me.  He shoved my hand away, and so I put him down...sad, because he was grieving, and hurting because he was rejecting me as his mother.  He just isn’t’ ready.  And one part of me understands that and will fight to give him the time he needs.
Yet, there is the more vulnerable part of me that cries because he isn’t ready to accept us as his family.  We aren’t “his” yet.  
And tonight, his grief hurts me too.    

Good Questions!

A sweet blog friend has asked some good questions about older child adoptions, and I thought that I would answer her questions here, because others may be wondering some of the same things.  
First up, I MUST STATE, every child and every adoption is different!  Each child will react differently to the new changes.   So please keep in mind that this is how our new children acted/or are acting now.
We used ASIA and loved working with them!!!
Noelani was 11 years old when she came home, and Clive was 8 years old.  
How has the transition been?  Hmmm, that's a little harder to answer.  For those of you who know about the trip to pick them up in China, I wasn't sure that we were going to make it.  Looking back and now that I know the children a little bit better, I can see that they were scared out of their minds, and that really brought out the bad and the fight in them.  Noelani is settling down really well now, loves having a family, is a very helpful little girl and generally pretty easy going.  It took some time as she tested out our rules, but she has transitioned really well.  I am very proud of how far she has come in such a short time. I thought, based off of how hard she fought us in China, that she would have a harder time than she is.  She did cry and miss China at first, but now she is very happy to be here with her new family. 
I thought that Clive would do better than he is, so you just never know.  I am a little confused by him.  As I stated earlier this week, there seems to have been some abuse.  His behavior isn't coming along quite as well as we had hoped.  He still tests us a lot, more me than Steve.  He seems "afraid" of men and behaves "better" with them.  He throws colossal fits.  He does steal things, and hordes.  These are things that we read about and are certainly not surprised by.  It's the "emotional" aspect of it all that starts to wear on us all.  
There are of course, institute behaviors that take time to retrain.  We know it takes time as the children learn the right way to act in a family.  They are learning that they do not have to fight to protect themselves;  learn how a mommy and daddy are different than the workers in the orphanage; learn to be a part of a family; learn to respect others and their property, etc..
What has been the biggest struggles?  As I said earlier, Clive is a confusion to me.  I'm not completely sure what I am dealing with.  Immaturity?  Definitely.  Emotional wounds?  For sure.  He's only 8 and there is so much I'm sure he still doesn't "get".  Also, for both of them, and us, it has been hard not speaking the same language.  We get along, and teaching them sign language has been one of the greatest tools.  Still, I know we all get frustrated with the limited understanding.  We use google translate when we have to, but, it's hard to speak heart to heart that way.  They have learned a way of living called survival, what ever that looked like.  Now they are trying to learn that they are safe in a family, that they are loved always, that even when they do wrong they will not be rejected...it will take time and we pray for them and for their healing.
Ha, here is a great example...as I type this Steve asked Noelani to do something that she didn't want to do.  She started "talking" in Chinese.  Steve said back to her "Noelani, are you complaining?  She said no and he said, "I may not understand Chinese, but that sure sounds like grumbling.  She said "Sorry daddy."
I know that some of you may still have questions.  Feel free to ask away.  I will answer what ever I can.  Older child adoptions does need one thing above all others!  Tons of support, understanding, and as much before hand information as possible.  I would never want to "scare" anyone from adopting an older child, but I will state that more support, honest acceptance, and being ready for this different ministry is very important.  
And the children are worth it all!

She Told Me...

O.K., This is a wow, praise the LORD.
Of all things, we were watching “Puss n Boots” (only so-so from my perspective, but I was desperate for a movie because Steve and Kalyn are at the Father/Daughter dance tonight),
ANYWHO....
during the movie it came up that the cat was an orphan - had no mommy or daddy.
Well, Noelani, who doesn’t understand much English yet, picked up on a few important words and asked me about them.  She asked me “No Mommy, no Daddy?”,  I answered “That’s right, the kitty has no mommy or daddy and is at an orphanage now.”
She thought on that for a minute and then asked me again.  I answered the same.
After a second, she tapped my arm and said.........






Are you ready for this?








She pointed to herself and with smiles said “Noelani - no orphan, has mommy and daddy now.”


My heart melted.  And I smiled back at her and said (holding back the tears), “Yes, Noelani has a mommy and a daddy now.”

The pain of “birth” is worth it.  Thank you all for your prayers for our family!!!!

Smiles and Thoughts

Just can’t help smiling with this little cutie. 

I keep not posting....sorry.
It’s funny - we have spent nearly a year and a half on our journey to bring home Noelani and Clive.  
Now, the real journey has started for me; becoming their mother.  It’s very emotional.  Not what I was expecting.  Harder.  I’m a rather “passionate” person.  It’s like the “gas” that runs my little red wagon.  Yet, that “passion”, that emotional energy just really isn’t there.  And, dog-gone-it...I like my passionate emotions that get me going.  
It’s not the new children’s fault of course.  Oh, yes, they definitely has “stuff”, difficult stuff.  People have said that older child adoptions are not for the weak or faint of heart.  That’s true.  Would  I change the decision that we made to bring them home?  Absolutely NOT.  We followed the LORD’s leading; not emotions, or passions; just our love for Him and for children who wait.  
Now two children no longer wait.  They are here in my home.  They are my son and my daughter.  They need me to teach them what a mother is, what she does.  They need me to teach them what real love looks like...God’s love.  I think God is trying to teach ME something.
Once again, I see my selfishness, and laziness.  It is so easy to love when the emotions are all warm and fuzzy.  When my new son smiles and say “I wub you Mommy.” - well, yea, that’s a warm and fuzzy.  When he yells at the top of his lungs and teases me - not so warm and fuzzy.  When she helps makes supper - yea, that’s sweet.  When she sticks her tongue out, crosses her arms and yells - no lovin’ feelings around.  
Yet, the LORD is showing me to be faithful in loving when I don’t feel it.  I need to let go of my expectations that this journey would be like our others - receive child, fall in love, and walk the journey of life together.  I’m thinking this one may look more like - receive the children, walk each day, faithfully show love and mother them.  And trust the LORD for the “feeling” of love to come with time.  
Well, I’m not sure if this is thought through very well, but if I wait to write a perfect post, I wouldn’t write at all.
Right now, I have to get some little ones down for a nap and go shop with Kalyn for her shoes to match her dress for her special Father/Daughter dance.  

I Heard Him Say...

“Carry their burdens.”  I had just read Gal. 6:2 “Carry one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”  I felt very clearly that the LORD was telling me to carry my newly adopted children’s burdens for them.  
The children and I were reading 2 Thessalonians 1:3-4 the other morning, 
 ³ We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers,^[a] as is right, because your faith is growing abundantly, and the love of every one of you for one another is increasing. ⁴Therefore we ourselves boast about you in the churches of God for your steadfastness and faith in all your persecutions and in the afflictions that you are enduring.

I asked the children what they felt that “steadfastness” or “perseverance” might mean.  Kiana answered right away “Holding on tight”.  (From the mouth of babes, they say).  

I have copied one of Mother Theresa’s quotes in my book, “I do not pray for success, I pray for faithfulness.” 

 

All these thoughts were swirling around as I was thinking back to this week, and some of the harder moments that we have had with Noelani and Clive; especially Noelani.  This poor child whom I want to love is really struggling, and our days have been rough.  

I’m sitting in my bedroom writing this right now, and I gazed out my bedroom window at...

wait, I’ll show you a picture...

It is snowy, icy and cold this morning.  Can you see the icy snow sticking to our pine tree?  But it’s also a picture to me of the pain and fear that clings to Noelani’s heart right now.  

And I think I know what the LORD is asking me ... will I faithfully “hold on tight” and persevere with this little girl; will I carry her burden of pain, fear, bad attitudes and painful choices?  Will I stand strong for her in this “cold of winter” till her heart warms up?

“Yes, LORD.  Thank you for the promise in Ps. 55:22 that assures me that as I cast my burdens on You, You will sustain me.  I can trust You to uphold me.  May my new children learn that they can trust me now as they also learn about Your great love for them.  Show me how to carry their burdens.”

Amen

She Started Our Day....

...crying.  I’m ending it in the same way. 
My newest daughter, Noelani, was awake and crying at 5:30 this morning.  I’ve become familiar with “that” cry.  She’s sad and misses her 1st home - China.  Sometimes she let’s me hold her, sometimes not.  This was a “not” moment.  My heart hurt for her as I listened to her grief.  Yet, grief is part of our journey also.  
Sometimes grief is very ugly though.  After her tears dried up, she went into major “Operation Control”.  I understand this also; she has lost so much, and it is quite “normal” for an older adopted child to deal with his/her fear by controlling what they feel they can and fighting like heck the things that they can’t control.  
So the clock has ticked along today.  The battles only took time to “regroup”, and the other children began to react to the stress.  Or may be they just thought today was a good day to be naughty.  At one point I had six children in “time-in” beside me while I tried to fix supper.  Now, don’t think that they were sitting quietly, like angels.  There was a symphony of sound - not the relaxing kind!!!!
Steve walked in from work, and I broke.  The only words I have to explain it is that I feel raw.  Like skin that has had a cheese grater working on it all day....just plain ol’ painful and raw.  
So, I cry.  And I think back to this morning when her sobs woke me up.  She was grieving, and feeling a little afraid of this unknown journey.  She’s never done “this” adoption/family thing before and it is scary.  Everything that she is familiar with is gone.  Everyone she knows is far away.  All of the sights, smells and sounds are different.  Her feeling become tired and raw.  
And mine are too.  I feel guilty for not being stronger for us all; handling things better.  Then I think, this is part of our dance; part of our story.  And though she and I have come from very different places, we are together now.  This is our story.  
Today, she started our day crying; tonight, I’m ending it crying.  She asks me, much as I did this morning, “Are you O.K.?”  I answer her with a single word, “Yes”.  And we walk our journey together.   

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, I’M BEGGING - WATCH THIS

Xiaoyun's video was unscripted - she wanted to tell people about the orphans, so we sat the camera in front of her and asked one question  "What do you want to tell others?". This is her reply.
Xiaoyun was adopted in April, just days before she turned 14 and would no longer have been eligible for adoption.

Our Journey To Comfortable

As you might guess, the adoption of older children has an element to it that I have not encountered with the adoption of our other children, who were adopted much younger.  Babies are just so easy for me to “embrace”, even though I don’t know them at first.  I would guess that this is the case for many families who adopt younger ones.    

The relationship with Noelani and Clive feels still very “new” and “uncomfortable” as we dance the unfamiliar.  There are many behaviors that I understand were allowed or accepted in the orphanage, that is not and cannot be allowed now in a family.  Little things like burping in our faces (yuck) to the bigger things of throwing fits, stomping feet, banging of the head in frustration, and stealing. 

I was thinking how my new children are not like fresh little plants just growing out of the ground that I am nurturing as they develop and grow.  They are already grown plants that have some unhealthy habits of growth and development that we are now pruning and restructuring.  Now mothering is hard, but I’ll be honest with you ... THIS is a different hard.  It’s hard not being able to speak the same language.  It’s hard training firmly intrenched habits that have been left alone.  It’s hard coming face to face with another culture and finding a way for their past and our present to converge into our “Family Culture”.  It’s hard when we misunderstand each other and I try to hug a child that turns a back to me.  It’s hard to “feel motherly” much, when I just plain ol’ don’t know them yet. 

I was up a little early this morning and read several things from Matthew.  I read Matthew 11:25-30 ... where Jesus says “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  I asked Him to show me what His yoke is.  I just needed to know.  I “knew” that there was something in this verse that could help me today and each day as we journey with our new children to a more comfortable place.  I didn’t get an answer at the time.  We got ready for church and headed out.  Our praise and worship music was fantastic today, and as clear as a bell, during one of the songs, the LORD answered me.  Now, please understand, this was His answer for me.  He may have different answers for other, so please seek HIS answer for you and your questions.

Back to what He told me ... “My yoke is LOVE.”  
I know ... this is pretty obvious I guess, but it meant something to my heart.  And I recalled that by faith we WENT to China to bring our children home.  And now today, we LIVE by faith (Galatians 2:20).  This, to me, is the perfect marriage of faith and works.  “Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” (James 2:18)
Tonight, I want to take up His yoke of Love, and “live” (works) out the faith that started us out on this journey with Noelani and Clive.
And tonight, I find rest for my soul in His promises, His mercy and grace, and especially His everlasting, never ending Love.

No Go

No go on Caresse’s surgery.  She has a staph infection in her hand and it has traveled up her arm.  So we will have to reschedule it.
In other news,

 Kiana has been asking for two years, and saving her money to put with our birthday gift for her this year - a puppy.   We picked up her new little love on Saturday.  Name - Rider

And my sweet husband did something very silly - he showed me a Havanese puppy that needed a new home.  This is the type of dog that Bluez is, and we both fell in love with this new one.  These dogs are usually hard to find and very expensive, but an elderly couple was just wanting to find a good home for this little cutie.  We picked him up on Saturday as well.  Name - Jazz.

So, yes, we picked up TWO new puppies on Saturday, and now have three dogs.  My mom laughingly said “You know, you can’t save all the puppies in the world.”  (Inside joke)

 I thought it was funny/cute to see Chinese chalk handwriting on our drive way.

I was showing Noelani America and China on a map.  Then through various signs I finally understood that she wanted me to show her the countries where our other children where born.  So I also highlighted those for her. 

I was mixing up something yesterday, and Noelani asked to help.  I told her that I probably needed to do it because it was a little tricky to mix.  She said “Noelani, careful.”  Cute.  
Kalyn has been sick that last few days.
Our favorite subject for school is Signing Times.

We use the videos and a few of the books.  I really felt that this was the best way to begin teaching English to Noelani and Clive.  The other children LOVE it also.  After we watch a video, I have Noelani say the word, sign the word, and then write it several times.    She has good moments and not so good moments with her school.  Clive really only works in work books, or cuts shapes.  I just can’t seem to get his attention for much else right now.  I am going to just give him time to adjust and learn English before I really try anything formal with him.  
Well, onward with this unexpected day.  How are ya’ll doing?