Just can’t help smiling with this little cutie.
I keep not posting....sorry.
It’s funny - we have spent nearly a year and a half on our journey to bring home Noelani and Clive.
Now, the real journey has started for me; becoming their mother. It’s very emotional. Not what I was expecting. Harder. I’m a rather “passionate” person. It’s like the “gas” that runs my little red wagon. Yet, that “passion”, that emotional energy just really isn’t there. And, dog-gone-it...I like my passionate emotions that get me going.
It’s not the new children’s fault of course. Oh, yes, they definitely has “stuff”, difficult stuff. People have said that older child adoptions are not for the weak or faint of heart. That’s true. Would I change the decision that we made to bring them home? Absolutely NOT. We followed the LORD’s leading; not emotions, or passions; just our love for Him and for children who wait.
Now two children no longer wait. They are here in my home. They are my son and my daughter. They need me to teach them what a mother is, what she does. They need me to teach them what real love looks like...God’s love. I think God is trying to teach ME something.
Once again, I see my selfishness, and laziness. It is so easy to love when the emotions are all warm and fuzzy. When my new son smiles and say “I wub you Mommy.” - well, yea, that’s a warm and fuzzy. When he yells at the top of his lungs and teases me - not so warm and fuzzy. When she helps makes supper - yea, that’s sweet. When she sticks her tongue out, crosses her arms and yells - no lovin’ feelings around.
Yet, the LORD is showing me to be faithful in loving when I don’t feel it. I need to let go of my expectations that this journey would be like our others - receive child, fall in love, and walk the journey of life together. I’m thinking this one may look more like - receive the children, walk each day, faithfully show love and mother them. And trust the LORD for the “feeling” of love to come with time.
Well, I’m not sure if this is thought through very well, but if I wait to write a perfect post, I wouldn’t write at all.
Right now, I have to get some little ones down for a nap and go shop with Kalyn for her shoes to match her dress for her special Father/Daughter dance.