She’s So Darn Cute!

When she is helping to put up left overs in the kitchen and can not find a lid for a container, she will say “I can’t find the hat.  Please help me.”

Since she came home, she has felt more comfortable and “safe” sleeping on the floor in our room in a sleeping bag.  That way her new mommy and daddy are always there for her.  She has learned that her mommy likes to sleep in a “cold” room.  I love to open several of our windows at night and the Colorado nights get pretty chilly.  Now, she keeps a small blanket  (that I gave her in China as a gift, and at first she totally rejected), and a fleece jacket in her sleeping bag.  Each night she “suits up” for bed time, putting on her jacket and wrapping in her pink blanket before cuddling down in her sleeping bag. 

She still puts her back to us when we try to hug her, yet she will sneak up behind us and hug our backs to get the love that her heart really desires.

She will run and hide behind our arms when something scares her.

When I took her to the orthodontist to put on the first of many braces to correct the problems of cleft lip/cleflt palette, I had to leave for just a second.  I told her, while the dr. was working on her teeth, that I was just going to the next room and would be back in just a second.  She seemed O.K. with that, till I let go of her hand and began to walk out of the room, and then she lost it.  She almost upset the dr, nurse and all of their equipment trying to turn to call for me.  It broke my heart as I ran back to her, yet, I also rejoiced...she is beginning to trust me. 

We have our hard times...
times of not being able to communicate and understand each other.  Times when I am selfishly afraid of another rejection.  Times when she comes undone, and I don’t know what to do to help the situation.   Times when I feel her rejection and fear, and I am trying to be the “adult” and help us both, but I don’t know what to do....

And then I remember what a brave little girl walked out of one room in China, crying and afraid, into an new room and a new world.  That little girl met a stranger called “mother” and she was forced by a situation to trust me.  She was so scared and her fear almost did us both in.  But the LORD had a plan.  We have walked a path we didn’t even know...
a journey to a relationship between a women in America and a little girl in China. 
We are still on the journey.  Oh, how I wish that she would let me hold her and love on her some times.  Yet, I must respect that she cannot give that right now.  So, I love her in ways that she can except; a little playful tickle here, and small hug there, and verbal affirmations, ever if she rejects them.  She will continue to hear from me that I think she is beautiful, adorable, cute and that I am so glad that the LORD gave her to me.  She WILL one day believe these truths.   She hates for us to take pictures of her and so I don’t have many of her,  Even then, I try to tell her that we think she is beautiful and I pray that one day she will know that in her heart.   
And until then, it helps me to remember...

she is so, truly, darn cute, and I am so glad that the LORD chose me to be her mother.
How I pray that one day, she knows this as well.