Saturday, October 10, 2009


fall tree
I know, that got your attention, didn't it...and it isn't really fair for me to title such a startling word as "Pregnant"...
but I find myself "feeling" 8 months pregnant-EMOTIONALLY.
This doesn't seem to be something discussed much in blog world and besides my mother and husband, I haven't really talked about my feelings...
In an adoption pregnancy, there are different feelings than a birth pregnancy.
When I was full pregnant with Caresse, I was so afraid of labor...and the pregnancy had already been SO DIFFICULT; I was just emotionally wore out. And wouldn't you know my little angel decided to present posterior (face up), which made birth difficult. When she was born all I would say was "It's a baby, it's a baby!" Steve finally laughed and said "yes, it's a baby, but is it a girl or a boy!?".
In this adoption pregnancy, I have found myself wanting...needing the nurturing that often comes to pregnant mama's. You know, when you're asked constantly when the baby is due, or someone pats your tummy and tells you how beautiful you are; it seems the world is "there" with you as you get ready to birth this child.
However, being adoption pregnant can be a little lonely. I feel dumb because I want to show my picture of our son to everyone and want to tell anyone who will listen about him. I'm dreaming about him and want to go buy cute boy clothes. I'm counting the days till the 19th. And I'm scared!!! We have lost babies before and it hurts!
I'm not comparing to pregnancy losses, I have experienced a miscarriage and it was heartbreaking. And for families who babies have died...oh, how sorry I am.
So, here I am...feeling full adoption pregnant, scared, scattered, emotional and I can't stop thinking about him!!!
I wanted to share this, because I am finding it hard to blog about anything. I just find my mind a little distracted! I will still be blogging, but I might sound "emotional" and I hope you will understand why.

Kalyn and I are going to the mountains tomorrow for a few days. For her 16th birthday gift she really just wanted a special time in the mountains. I wish we could all go, but we can't. So Steve will be home with our family while Kalyn and I are gone. It is VERY COLD here, so we may be spending alot of time in our cabin...however, that sounds delightful also...a cabin in Colorado...a hot place...
I know, I wish you could come with us too!!!


  1. I know exactly what you're talking about being adoption pregnant. :) Have a wonderful time at the cabin with your daughter!!

  2. So many of us know how you is a difficult place to be--exciting and anxious all at the same time. I am on the other side, desiring another child and hearing wait. Not a real fun place to be either.

    May God be glorified in both places!

  3. How I know the feeling! And now with Gio's adoption being so close to Bryson's, I have not told my work yet, like it really matters; but for some reason I have not felt compelled to tell anyone. I feel like I am showing, but trying to cover it up with clothing!!! Silly, but I am sure you can relate!

    A cabin in the woods with your daughter sound perfect!!!

  4. Shonni-

    Sending hugs of understanding!

    Sending prayers of comfort and joy as we both wait on Him to deliver our newest children!

    Praising Him for calling us to be their mothers and family!

    Praising Him for lifting up our hands and strengthening our feeble knees!

    Praising Him for understanding how our emotions are fighting against our faith!

    Lots of love and rejoicing with you that soon very soon your son will be home forever!


  5. Oh my dear friend--I can sooo relate. Thank you for sharing your tender, sweetest heart. You are SUCH a gem. Such a blessing.
    Have the best time with your precious Kalyn. I know you two will have so much fun together. Yep, it's cold--stay warm and cozy.

  6. Hi Shonni,
    Being perhaps the only male blogger to post a comment here; I want to add to your description of the adoption pregnancy that: is an adoption were all those feelings of love, fear, hope, joy, expectancy and more are shared in a special way between the mother and father and maybe, just maybe (not offending anyone please), sometimes, could be even stronger on the father. Either way I love being a "pregnant dad"
    Blessings to your family!

  7. G. Lopez
    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing a dad's thoughts with us. I know my husband can relate!

  8. I think you blogged for me! I feel like I want to copy and paste it for myself. I am so emotional with our upcoming court date on the 14th. When you are pregnant you know that there is an end will NOT be pregnant after this date, but with adoption there are no end dates...just hopeful dates.

    May God best for your family be that you pass on the 19th. We are praying for your court date!

  9. Hey SIs! I am SO there with you right now. Where we are from, very FEW people understand at all and know so little to nothing about adoption and the feelings that come with. This whole school year I have found it hard to focus and be motivated to work because my "babies" are out there waiting for me and my wife to get them home. This is the fifth time for us and it never gets any easier, that's for sure, as I am sure you know! Prayin' for ya and hoping we both have our babies home SOON!

    "little brother",

  10. Thank you for your openness Shonni!! I am right there with you!! I am 8 months pregnant with an almost 8 year old that we have been trying to bring home for 18 months now....and somedays it feels like its never going to happen.

    At this point I am just feeling frustrated. Frustrated at circumstances that have left time frames longer than should be - when we had no control over it, only to find that Ch*na - because of the longer time frames withdrew their approval (until God changes their mind again)!! I just really want my special forces son to go in with some of his buddies, grab her & run for the chopper!

    So vent, cry, whine, whatever - cause I'm with you girlfriend - I'm with you!!

    Have a blast in the mountains with K. Praying it will be wonderfully refreshing!! xo

  11. You're right, it can be such a lonely journey! I experienced that in so many different phases... If people haven't been there, then it's really hard for them to understand...but then I guess the same can be said about alot of other things in life too.

    I'm just so thankful that God gave us the adoption blog community, it's not quite the same as being able to sit and have coffee and pour out our hearts, but it's mighty close! Have a wonderful, refreshing time away and know that you are not alone on this journey!

    Many blessings...

  12. Dear Shonni,

    I know the waiting is so difficult. I remember the agonizing wait for my daughter to come home from Guatemala. Thank God we got her when we did, just before they shut the Guatemala program. We did run into some delays and our agency advised us to start calling our congressmen and senators, I was so scared we wouldn't get her out in time. But praise the Lord He's always in control. I'm praying for everything to go smoothly on your court date. Your not alone Shonni!! Enjoy your time away with your precious girl, what a blessing to have this time together.
    Sophie Neri

  13. amen--- i soo know how you feel and it is soo hard- esp the end month(s)-- enjoy your time away!!!!

  14. Oh Shonni, I'm praying for you! Of course you're feeling emotional. How could you not? Praying that your precious little guy is with you very soon.


  15. Thank you for posting about this topic. This is our first go with adoption and all these feelings are new to me. It's nice to know that other people feel them at the end of an adoption too.

    I took the kids to the library story time a few days ago and after the stories the moms hang out and talk while the kids play and get books. There were two pregnant moms there and everyone was doting over them and asking them questions and such. I wanted to yell "I'm expecting too! I'm probably due in November!" But of course I didn't. I came home feeling very lonely.

    Thanks for posting about it!

    Also, do you have any suggestions about resources to learn how to do african girl hair? Books, videos, etc. You're girls' braids and such always look so nice. I need some advice on how to learn to do all that. Thanks!

  16. Hope your time with Kalyn is BLESSED!

    We sure enjoyed our time with all of you!

    mama of 13

  17. I can't say I understand how you feel, because I am only an adoptive Grandma, waiting for Justin and Shauna to bring Isaiah home - but I have a lot of those same "pregnant Grandma" feelings that I've had with my other grandkids, and some that I've never had before. With Isaiah, I have actually met him, held him, loved on him, and I long for him so much! I don't know for sure when he will come home (although his Mommy and Daddy are heading to Ug*nda very soon!), and I know there can be complications. I have a one-day-old grandson, Caleb Gabriel (who just happens to be adorable!) but I knew when he was due, and I never doubted that he would arrive safe and sound, fresh from God. I believe God will deliver Isaiah safe and sound, too, but I sometimes feel I am holding my breath over how long it could take, and what might transpire in the meantime, and feeling like he needs to be home and experiencing his family's love NOW. And I feel like no one I know has any idea what it's like to be a "pregnant" adoptive Grandma, so I don't share about it with anyone.

    I'm so glad you have your adoption blog friends who can understand a lot of what you are going through. Isn't God good that way?

  18. I LOVE your posting!! I so understand how you feel and I think you have every right to shout it from the tree tops! I have a "pregnant" waiting friend and she is also emotionally pregnant. Enjoy your time away, sounds like Heaven and I REALLY do wish I was coming too.
    Love Jules

  19. Well this little guy is sure blessed to have this wonderful family to come home to! Hope you have a blessed time in the mountains...

  20. I pray your time away with Kalyn will be wonderfully fruitful and that you will bond and be blessed by your relationship with each other! At a time when many mothers and daughters are struggling and even fighting constantly, it is a blessing that she desires your presence for her 16th birthday celebration. Awesome!

  21. Oh what a wonderful day it will be when he is finally in your arms. Until then, may you rest in the arms of your heavenly Father! Love from Uganda Mama

  22. I know what you mean...

    It's a shame we can't get "induced" when our 9 months is up. Sure would get these babies home to their families a lot quicker!

    Praying your court date goes well and your son is in your arms very soon!!

  23. Shonni-
    I raed to your post immediately when I saw the title- yes you did get my attention. I didn't get a chance to comment so I planned to come back.

    I often have dreams that I am pregnant and I feel the baby kicking in my dreams. It is so amazing because we are pregnant- with 2 darling daughters from China 7 and 8 yrs. old.

    I get so frustrated with the process- hurry then wait, hurry then wait. We just need to get these darling children home. Every child needs parents, a family , a home and most of all our Saviour.

    Praying that all goes well with your court date.

    Have fun with Kalyn! Happy 16th Birthday!

  24. Thank you for sharing your feelings about "adoption pregnancy". A lot of us don't know what it's like so hearing you explain things is good for us.

    Those photos from your trip to the mountains looked sooo nice! It must be amazing to live in that beautiful place!


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