Thursday, August 16, 2012

I Had A Dream...

O.K., may be not happy, but puzzle pieces to the picture of raising my little N and C fell into place.  
I dreamed that I was being hurt (sorry, no details)...
and I WAS hurt, but I also had someone to go to for help, and in my dream I went there for help.
Then I woke up, and as is normal for me, I tried to go back to sleep to “change” the bad dream.  
Around 4:30, I woke up, not remembering my dream, but my heart was heavy about an issue with N.  She “hurts” our dog and insects at times ... nothing serious, but still, it has upset us.  At first I thought she just needs to learn to be kind and soft.  However, I think there is more.  Backing up a touch, she described in signs and what little English she understands how children often hurt each other in the orphanage - kicking, hitting, etc..
I read a little in some of my “adoption books”, prayed, and then went back to sleep.  
I forgot about the dream, and the feelings from the night when I got up an hour later.  I went on with my day.
At nap time, I was laying there waiting for the baby to go to sleep so that I could get up and do some things, and in my resting, but not asleep place I felt that the LORD started to speak to me and give me a better picture of what my Noelani and Clive have come through.  They’re actions (bad) will give me clues to what they have experienced.  And for just a second the LORD showed me what it felt like for my precious children to be hurt and have NO ONE in the present that they could go to for help.  I cried, and I knew that I had never had to walk that road of aloneness.  Things have been hard, but I was never completely abandoned or alone as they were.  
I have never been kicked or hit and had NO ONE to help me or protect me.  
I am trying desperately to understand, not for the sake of knowledge or emotionalism, but with the prayer for my children to be healed, and for the wisdom to help them.
Last night I had a dream,
and today I have cried.


  1. I will always remember what I just read. We always think of orphanages as lonely and neglectful places, never about the torment and pain that can be caused one child to another. Thank heaven N and C are where they are now and thank Him for your understanding.

  2. Such a beautiful post Shonni! It makes me understand more of what our precious children went trough in there years of living in a orphanage.

    I wish you Gods love to see them trough Gods eyes. But when I reed your post I see that you already doing that.

    Thanks for sharing.

    The Netherlands
    (Mother of 5, 1 still in a Chinese orphanage)

  3. Beautiful post, Shonni! May we all come to that place of understanding for our precious children.

    edit: I clicked the Publish icon, and the security word that came up was "12 ihealso". I heal so. Just struck me, in view of your post, and I had to comment on that. :-) OK, back to Publish.

  4. Beautiful post, Shonni! May we all come to that place of understanding for our precious children.

    Edit: I clicked the Publish icon to publish this comment, and the security word that came up was "12 ihealso". I heal so. Just struck me, in view of your post, so I had to comment on that! :-) Anyway, back to Publish.

  5. Thank you for sharing.

    Oh, how desperately we need wisdom from above to raise our children!

    You know, we are not far from one another...maybe, jus maybe, we will get to see one another face to face again :)

    Blessings and wisdom,

  6. Wow Shonnie. God is so good to give you His heart and in return it helps you parent. He has given me moments like that and OH how it helped. Thank you for sharing. Makes me was to bow in worship for how loving Our God is! Love you Sister.

  7. I'm currently reading this may be some answers that you might be seeking. It has been very enlightening for me. I got it on my Kindle App but I'm sure a hard copy is available on Amazon as well.

    Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families

    God's have a very beautiful family.

  8. Such hard stuff. Ours also used to hurt animals and siblings. Still does at times she thinks she can get away with it (except for bugs- oddly, she no longer hurts bugs- we call her to let them out of the house safely- she is the only one who will touch them). And was all based around the bullying she endured; and the bully she was. Just survival :( I hope someday it will behind her; but at 4 yrs, it isn't. It's a long road....set your mind for endurance on this one. Prayers for quiet nights of peaceful dreams.


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