O.K., may be not happy, but puzzle pieces to the picture of raising my little N and C fell into place.
I dreamed that I was being hurt (sorry, no details)...
and I WAS hurt, but I also had someone to go to for help, and in my dream I went there for help.
Then I woke up, and as is normal for me, I tried to go back to sleep to “change” the bad dream.
Around 4:30, I woke up, not remembering my dream, but my heart was heavy about an issue with N. She “hurts” our dog and insects at times ... nothing serious, but still, it has upset us. At first I thought she just needs to learn to be kind and soft. However, I think there is more. Backing up a touch, she described in signs and what little English she understands how children often hurt each other in the orphanage - kicking, hitting, etc..
I read a little in some of my “adoption books”, prayed, and then went back to sleep.
I forgot about the dream, and the feelings from the night when I got up an hour later. I went on with my day.
At nap time, I was laying there waiting for the baby to go to sleep so that I could get up and do some things, and in my resting, but not asleep place I felt that the LORD started to speak to me and give me a better picture of what my Noelani and Clive have come through. They’re actions (bad) will give me clues to what they have experienced. And for just a second the LORD showed me what it felt like for my precious children to be hurt and have NO ONE in the present that they could go to for help. I cried, and I knew that I had never had to walk that road of aloneness. Things have been hard, but I was never completely abandoned or alone as they were.
I have never been kicked or hit and had NO ONE to help me or protect me.
I am trying desperately to understand, not for the sake of knowledge or emotionalism, but with the prayer for my children to be healed, and for the wisdom to help them.
Last night I had a dream,
and today I have cried.