Thursday, August 30, 2012

I Lost My Way

I have felt “something” in my heart for some time, but just wasn’t sure what “it” was.  I didn’t however, know that I had lost my way.  

I came across a post about Martyred Mothers today and was finding it an interesting post, kind of skimming over it quickly.  And then God stopped me in my tracks with the “something” that had been getting to me.

She wrote, “I’m not dismissing the fact that motherhood requires tremendous demands of patience, selflessness, lovingkindness and walking the way of the cross.  Those actions are supplied only through the supplying of the LORD’s mercy as He strengthens our hands to the task, so we must abide in the True Vine.  But, may we not live our lives as martyrs that have given up something great, and thinking that motherhood is only about sacrifice.  Sure there are some sacrifices.  But to be a mother is a precious gift and privilege never to be taken for granted.  Instead let’s walk in the JOY of the LORD, being grateful for His gift of children, that aren’t really even ours.”

I knew that the LORD was showing me that I had become a “martyred mother”.  I didn’t use to be that way, but somewhere along the way, I had let little thoughts and ideas began to color the way I looked at motherhood. (“Poor me” and all that.) 
I was challenged again to consider what is the purpose of parenting as a Christian.  “Our motives will determine our methods.” Kelly says at Generation Cedar.

I have always loved the truth that Jesus is our Shepherd, tending and caring for His flock.  And I have always embraced His words as a mother to “Feed my sheep”(John 21:17).
Read these words from Kelly at Generation Cedar,
"Of all the things that our children are–cute and cuddly, fun to watch, mess-makers and time-takers, they are our disciples. They were given to us to shepherd. And listen to this…before Jesus told Peter to “feed my sheep”, He questioned him: “Do you love Me”? In other words, “if you love Me, prove it by tending my lambs”. Just stop there and chew on that for a minute.
The reason we are so often prone to frustration is that first of all, lambs are foolish. That’s why they need tending. They do dumb things and they have no idea about the ravenous wolves. That’s why they need a shepherd. 

But if we don’t understand this role that God Himself has given us, then their foolishness becomes a source of irritation (“Why can’t they just do what they’re supposed to do!”) instead of a precious opportunity to lead, guide and protect them. Remember, “tending” takes time.

Yes, tending takes time.  Loving these precious children takes time.  And it is time that I reclaim the joy of mothering, and reject the lies that have become my burden.  Did you read that?  It’s not my children that have become my burden, but the lies and thoughts that I have listened to.  

 My desire is to love the LORD my God wholeheartedly.  My prayer has been “help me to seek first Your Kingdom, LORD, and Your righteousness in all areas of my life.”  I want to get rid of “the attitude”, and began to tend my little flock with love and faithfulness.  
“Father God, I ask forgiveness for my wrong attitudes towards the precious job you have given me to care for my family.  Forgive me for listening to lies and looking away from the truth in Your Word. Please fill be anew with Your Joy.  Thank you for showing me where I had lost my way.  Lead me instead in Your ways.  In Jesus Name, Amen."


  1. Shonni, I love your blog and love this post. Just this week I read another one that reminded me of it!

  2. Love your blog as always! You are a good mother, Shoni.

  3. Such honest, thoughtful, powerful truth about how we all lose our way, at times, and make parenting, martyrdom motherhood, instead of out of love for the Lord...feeding His sheep. Convicting. Humbling. Redeeming truth, my friend! ~ jen

  4. Thank you for posting this! I have also listened to the lies and the questions about what we are doing- I have begun to doubt myself and even forgot to seek the Lord for this journey he is sending us on. My heart and head have not been with HIM and I need to ask forgiveness and humbly refocus on HIM.
    Incredible post- thank you! I love your blog and I love you! Can't wait to catch up on your other posts.

  5. Amen! I think I am guilty of the same.

  6. Beautiful words. I am always astonished at the straying. It happens. Very convicting and heartfelt here.

  7. Love love this. Thank you so much for sharing it! How easy it is to lose my focus


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