First meeting with Clive.
First meeting with Noelani.
She was very upset and scared.
Our translators tried to help us with her questions and her fears. This is so NOT like receiving a baby. I can’t hold them or comfort them. Sorry, I really have no words.
She is showing me her photo book from the orphanage. It was so noisy and stressful in this room with dozen’s of children crying in the background.
My thoughts here were “O.K. little girl, we are BOTH going to have to be brave...I’m scared, your scared, but we have to walk this thing through.
Trying to talk with Steve at the hotel. Things really went from bad to worse for all of us. Noelani wrapped up in the curtains, mumbled in Chinese and wouldn’t come out.
I can SAY that we prepared for this adoption of older children; we knew and understood how hard it can be for older children. But, I can also now say that there is no way I could have ever been prepared for the EMOTIONS - both ours and theirs. The next weeks placed this experience as one of the top three worse things I have gone through in my adult life. There have been times in my life that I felt I was following the LORD’s will, and yet when I was walking it out, I would have easily told God that had of I “known” how hard it was going to be, I wouldn’t have done it. I’m glad that I had those experiences to look back on and draw hope from as we woke each day and my raw emotions were saying “LORD, I can’t do this. I DON’T WANT to do this.”
Kalyn and I, our family, and being adopted were rejected and hated and this was certainly communicated to us in no uncertain terms.
Shell shock would be the best way to describe our time in China. And I just couldn’t find those “warm-fussy” mothering feelings anymore. Kalyn and I daily encouraged each other with prayer, scripture and songs, yet mostly we just did the next things that had to be done and prayed that our time in China would end soon. I have to say up front, our agency, ASIA, was AMAZING in their support for our family. They saw this for the crisis that it was and truly went out of their way to help this adoption succeed. I am very grateful to them and to Jacqueline, who allowed me to cry and express my fears and feelings in safety, and also listened to and tried to help Noelani and Clive. How grateful I was that she was in the same hotel with us, and I often had to call her for help.
I have been up at 3 the last few nights, thinking things threw and praying. I read a beautiful devotional from E. Elliot in the early hours of this morning. I’ll share from it later, but for now, I wanted to begin our story, because it is with HOPE and in FAITH, that I believe the ending of the story will be amazing, because I know that we belong to and faithful and amazing God.