Friday, April 15, 2011
Remembering For The Sake Of Compassion....
(These picture are my children and are private property...do not use without permission-thank you. Also, the pictures do not match the the individual stories, but I did want to remember where I began with them.)
-Then there is the mischievous one...scared to death of anyones anger, but has a hankering (Texas slang for urge) for exploring and doing what she shouldn’t. She has certain reactions that show us that at some time in her three years before she come home she was treated very harshly (NOT BY US). She has perfected that art of lying and “hiding” so that she wont get into trouble. She was also very sick, and very close to death by the time she came home.
-And then there is our precious Aiden, whom I have talked about here, who seems to have some huge sensory seeking desires that are unhealthy and unsafe for him and others. He has banged his head, hard, every night since we brought him home at 5 months. He still does this and it can be heard downstairs. In fact a friend of Jace’s stayed the night last week and he told me the next morning that he hadn’t slept at all and he thought our house was haunted...he said that all night he kept hearing these rhythmic banging sounds and he was envisioning a ghost stomping above him. Aiden seems to have a strength that is not normal for his age, and yet at his heart he is one of the most sensitive and loving people I have ever met.
With my biological children there are piece of a puzzle that make some sense to me. Caresse has these horrible bone knots in her body...but so did my grandmother, my mother, my uncle, me and several other people in our family. Jace is so much like Steve AND me in personality, but he is MOST like my father. Kalyn is exactly like my darling husband - easy going, relaxed, creative. When I look at my biological children I see the amazing person that they are, but I can also SEE where they came from to some degree. There is at least a generational “map” for me to look at.
With my children home through adoption, there are so many puzzle pieces that are missing, and the “map” is at best, for me, incomplete. None-the-less, we have made a commitment to them...we have entered a covenant relationship with them and though we may not know everything, HE does, and I find hope that HE will show us what we need to know to fulfill our commitment to these children...to love them, the help heal them and to set them on the path that the LORD has for them.
My purpose for this post is best summed up in a few quotes from The Connected Child...so this is where I will end for today.
“Adopted and foster children deserve deep compassion and respect for what they may have endured before they were welcomed into your home.”
“The difficult history of these children means that you, as a caretaker, have to work harder to understand and address their unique deficits and make a conscious effort to help them learn the skills they need at home with a caring family. Certainly, your children may exhibit manipulative or assertive behavior, but instead of faulting them for it, respect that it enabled them to survive and cope in profoundly difficult circumstances.”
“If you remain mindful of a child’s unique history and how early growth was disrupted, you can even admire the strength that allowed this little child to survive adversity and have compassion for the ongoing struggles he faces.”
I had lost my compassion for where they have come from, and tonight I am praying for my heart to remember and to be broken...
with the hope and assurance that the LORD causes all thing to work together for our good.
I want to again, say “Thank you” for reading my blog post and for walking this journey with me with your prayer, support and encouragement.
FOR HIS GLORY we journey!