Sunday, June 5, 2011

If Only He Knew...

Steve and I were in full swing - getting the children in their beds for the night.  I love to go roll around on them and tease them that they are very “bumpy and uncomfortable pillows”, which always gets a laugh.  Or I just tickle and love on them for a second.  Steve comes behind me with the blessing and the prayer.

This night one of my little men was upset and not responding to my teasing.  I was busy and didn’t really pursue what was wrong...I “assumed” that he was upset about something from earlier.  Finally, I stopped and really leaned down into his world and asked him what was wrong.  It took quite some time before he answered me through his tears...
Know what he said?
He said,
“You don’t LIKE me”.  Oh my ... what had I done?

But as that thought entered my mind, I shoved it back out of the way.  This wasn’t about me and what I might have done, BUT about him and what he was feeling.  
And right now he didn’t feel like I liked him.  You know what I love about this?
He KNEW that I loved him.  That was never in question.   He just didn’t feel “special” and “liked” at that moment.  
If only he knew...

just how much I LIKE him...his sweet spirit, his teasing ways, his adorable “pillow” lips and huge hugs. 
If only he knew how I loved him before I ever met him...this new son of mine...not of my body....not even of my “race”...this precious African son that I was ready to die for from the start.  If only he knew how much I “feel” as if he was always suppose to be heart knew long before we met.  As I hold his black hand in my white seems as if it was always suppose to be ... our hearts intertwined - our lives belonging together.  If he only knew... how he has changed my life for ever.  I’m not even sure that I always understand, but deep inside of me I know, I KNOW, that God has given us something special; something that outside of God’s miraculous plan, he and I would never have known.  
Me, a white mother, him an African child...our worlds came together one day...and I have never been the same.  And when it is all said and done...I’m grateful for our journey, which is different then some, but at the end of the day, he is “just” my son and I am “just” his mother, and we don’t notice the color of our skin, we just know that we love each other;
and more than that, I REALLY LIKE MY SON....he is so talented, gift, precious, smart and every other thing that any mother says about her children.
Yea...I LIKE him.   

And I am so thankful for this son that I love.  And my prayer is that my children always know that I love them, and more than that...that I LIKE them.


  1. HUGS! to him and you! Oh how these moments tug at a Momma's heart. So blessed by the constant reminder they give us that no matter what God always is on our side and always adores us.

    Precious shots of you both!

    Love you,

  2. Right on the mark! So easy to get caught up in the daily stuff and forget to "like" our kids, all of them. Thank you for this post.

  3. Your post brought me to tears this morning. My son said the same thing to me the other day when I made a curt comment to him while cleaning up the family room after a very long day. It stopped me right in my tracks..."I not only like you, I love you like crazy," was my response. You are right, if he only knew how I longed for him for so many years! Oh, and I need to watch me own mouth some times!

  4. Beautifully said ... straight from a Mother's heart.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing. I know sometimes my two children feel often the same way. I am at the very beginning of our first adoption to South Korea. It is so scary and so exciting at the same time. Thanks for being a light to (someone who you do not know) in a sometimes confusing scary process.

  6. Beautiful! He is adorable! Reminds me of our latest foster son! How lovely the two parent connection each of the kids have before they nestle off to bed! They are so, very blessed!

  7. So very very true!!!! LOVE this post! Have had similar conversations- never a question in my mind, but sometimes.....
    If only they knew!!!!!

  8. I would write but I am too busy crying...If "they" only knew! and someday---they WILL!

  9. Oh those pictures! Beautiful!
    And the emotions expressed here? Even more so...


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