Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hurtin’ Darlin’ and Raw-ness

My little sweet darlin’ is really hurtin’!  She has a horrible bad chest cold, an impacted tooth and had some braces put in her mouth to help with the tooth.  These braces go on the inside of her teeth and are really hurting her. She has hardly been able to eat anything. 
In other random news, 
Steve finally went back to work today, but still feels horrible;
school has been hard with so many sick ones;
I am so unorganized right now!  
And now, to interrupt random blog news with raw-ness...
I know...mothers of large families are suppose to have it all together!  I’ve been telling myself for weeks “Come on Shonni, Pull Yourself Together!!!!!”.  I couldn’t even tell you how many nights I wake up and think that I’ll “do better” with everything tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and things don’t go the way I was hoping!  In one corner of the ring I fight with myself about the realities...sick family, interrupted sleep, LOTS of dentist and dr. appointments, etc. and in the other corner - I should be getting up earlier, planning the meals, spending better quality time with the children, doing school “better”, loving Steve better...
I’m sure my greatest enemy is myself...
A glimpse into my mind tonight....not to pretty huh?  I struggle almost every day right now to post anything on my blog because if I were honest I would have to say AGAIN...”Struggling” and I figure at some point I am going to loose family and friends with that.  
It’s not that anything BIG or HORRIBLE is happening...just little battles of self expectations and little voices that I hear telling me who and what I should be.  And I feel wore out, unmotivated and how do you blog about that to people you love and hope and pray love you?
I have spent many days praying that I would hear the LORD’s voice and I do find comfort in HIM.  Still, there is a battle and so, I share here...
and realize that what I am really showing is my vulnerability to my own idols - to do things in a way that I feel good about.  
O Lord, how I love Your Word.  It is precious beyond all earthly treasures Father.  Incline my heart to Your Word and break my bondage to other things.  Forbid that I would be false to Your faithfulness and fill me with Your Spirit that I may serve You and You alone and find joy in that service each day.  For Your Glory and to live in Your love, I pray! Amen”


  1. Praying for you! Being honest shows you are human and still in need of our Savior to lift you up. In our suffering there is great joy - because we know God is ready and willing to love all over us. Humble ourselves and wait for Him to scoop us up out of the mess we made. Just like a child knows we will do the same thing for them - because we love them and want the best for them.

    How is Jace feeling?

    know that we are praying for you and sending you big hugs! being a momma to many on any given day is a challenge - throw in there sickies and it can take any good mom down. be gracious with yourself friend!

    love you!

  2. Share, share, are not alone!....

  3. Thanks for your honesty. THIS mama of an extra large family certainly doesn't "have it all together". Oh my! Struggles? I am right there with you!

    Hugs & Prayers for a sweet friend!

    Laurel :)

  4. oh, Shonni. i love how you truly show us you. you, and me, and everybody else are imperfect, and in need of His voice. let me just say again, i'm so glad you choose to be vunerable and share :) praying for all your sick kiddos and hubby, and for you, sweet friend. :)

  5. Praying for you, Shonni...I think we've all been there before. You can know for sure that the Lord is teaching you something good!


  6. My posts have also been less frequent, because I echo the same "fears" that you mention here. If I blogged how I was really feeling everyday right now, I think I might lose family and friends, too. It's been such a difficult road our family has been traveling the last four months. I have to keep praying for God's strength and His joy on a daily basis, because I too feel that I need to do things better and need to hear His voice and waiting for His help.

  7. Well said and you are not alone!!

    Add to mine that I am older than lots of my friends and the feel like I have it so together. If they only knew. LOL

    Hang in there and on to the One who gives all good things to His children!

  8. Oh Shonni,

    I wouldn't worry about losing family and friends. I actually can appreciate the honesty because it makes you REAL! I mean, I feel these things with just 2 kiddos, so I would only expect you to feel this way sometimes!! Don't be too hard on yourself. Praying for you!!



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