She Didn't Know...

I read a blog friend's post this morning...I'm sure she didn't know how much it would stay in my heart!
She always has such beautiful pictures, and wonderful scriptures. I always feel so encouraged as a mother also.
Today, though, the LORD caused me to stop, and listen to something that He has already been telling me.
I'm sure that this blog friend didn't know that the LORD would use her post to stop me and convict me (convict-good; guilt trip-bad).
I use to be a "good mother" (I say that with a chuckle!)...you know, read to my first two children, tucked them in at night with more reading, prayers, snuggles, played games with them. And or course, much time was spent in perfect discipline and teaching.
Or course, with only a few children, I was also a "perfect homemaker" (again, chuckling at my youthfulness). The house was usually spotless except for the toys that the "good mother" had out. I had plenty of time to nurse my babies, read, cook yummies, and do crafts and other fun things. Why, I could even watch an hour of TV every afternoon and still have everything perfectly ready for my husband when he came home. My children were dressed cute and were clean. I took them to baby gym classes, play groups...you know, all the best that we could afford.
Something happened though....the LORD gave us a passion for the orphans of the world, starting with Kiana.
Then two more babies followed her quickly...
I was still doing pretty good at the "perfect" pace I had placed on myself, though I was beginning to get a nervous twitch in my eye-LOL.
The LORD knew and with a twinkle in HIS eye (I'm sure), brought 4 more babies within two years...
Perfection went out the window as I began to look for ways to survive.
Taking care of a large family has been good for me...I have died to my perfection, my abilities, MY desires, my ways...
and I was stripped down to nothing that I could do, except rely on HIM. I gave up all those expectations and "good" ideas of how to do this or that.
Now, with the "slate clean", as they say, the LORD has been bringing HIS ideas to me of "how" to do this or that. I had placed so much guilt on myself because I wasn't parenting or taking care of our home the way I use to....
But that was the point, the LORD was/is pruning those things that will not bear fruit for HIS glory. It's not about MY glory. I am not able WITHOUT HIM.
So how did the LORD use Connie's post today to convict me?
It's time to start "doing" somethings again...only this time in His Perfect Way...relying on Him to show me "what" and "how". But, I haven't quite been listening to Him, partly because I'm tired and partly because I didn't want to get back into the "do it this way to be a good parent...and if you don't, your not..." guilt trips.
I have let the business, and the tiredness keep me from bearing HIS fruit in some areas...
I want the children in bed as quickly as possible so that I can sit...
but I feel that the LORD wants me to start spending a little more time during this precious part of the end of our day.
I don't want to be to busy, or let tiredness, keep me from mothering them HIS way, and enjoying the journey of each day with them. It does take a lot of hard work to manage a larger-than-normal family, however, God has used that to pry my hands off of "how" to do it, and now, I feel more open and ready to find out from Him how to do it.

"Connie, thank you, for your post which has encouraged me to listen to the LORD, and to begin to bless my children and be with them at bedtime instead of rushing them off to sleep."